My protracted silence.

Just in case you were about to file a missing person’s report (do know the gesture is appreciated, although as yet unnecessary), let me share with you what’s been keeping me most occupied this past month. First there was my 9-day trip to NZ; I managed to squeeze in a post about NAPLAN and another about life in Perth’s affluent Western Suburbs on my return. Then there was much illness, which, I cannot tell you anything about at this point, only to say that it persists and even cleaning my 2-bedroom townhouse requires the methodical deliberation of an army general because I am so short of energy; now involuntarily vegetarian, I am as animated and energetic as an amoeba after sundown, subsisting mostly on liquids.

If you were thinking of inviting me over for dinner, thank you, but I don’t think I’ll make very good company due to the aforementioned reason. Then there’s the vomiting and overall lethargy. It’s amazing if I can even tell you the day of the week past 7 pm.

Anyway, last week, my Aussie mates F and B came to visit me from the other side of Australia. That was a triumph in planning and execution to rival some of the most complicated operations military too because F and B have 2 ankle biters and anyone with kids that age will know how hard it is to go anywhere with them, what more across a space as huge as Australia.

Cleaning the townhouse took me the better part of 2 mornings, as I was out of breath after each and every single self-assigned task and needed a bit of a break. Nevertheless it was worth it when F and B turned up; we were home most of the time because it was just easier with the kids and when we eventually ventured out, after B rented a car, we had “yum cha” in Northbridge and a short midday stroll along Cottesloe Beach one day, and a brief visit to Claremont Quarter the next.

Another day, F, Amanda and I took a drive out to Peppermint Grove to visit our mate G Rinehart who we suspect lives in the vicinity. I’m only joking. We don’t know G Rinehart or she, us. We just wanted a sticky beak around her part of town, as you do when you are on holiday, or convalescing like me.

As F said, “You know you are great mates with someone when they start cutting their toe nails in front of you.”

F had bought me a nail clipper to replace my misplaced one so I could get rid of my vampiric talons. Hence, after an impromptu house inspection (neighbour was selling), I hoisted one foot, then another, on to another neighbour’s outdoor table (I watch their house for them) to clip off the offending growth.

For most of F and B’s stay I also sported overgrown eyebrows (yes, I do have eyebrows), bed-hair, the clothes I’d gone to bed in the night before… Sometimes I napped in my outside clothes and when I woke up, had to have the heater on, even though I had on thermals, jumper, woolly socks and scarf. Seeing as my tiredness has reached absurd levels, I will have to look into Star Formulations, a vegan iron supplement for women produced by my mate Julie Moss, which had been previously unnecessary as I was consuming meat. But since I’ve been unceremoniously tossed from the meat-eating train…

Well, now that you know what I’ve been up to, you can go away reassured that I will be back. Speaking of which, what you been up to lately? Have you attended any public rallies or been a part of something I should know about?