What is your child’s ADULT height?

Perhaps because I’m a short person, I’ve always been interested my child’s adult height. Whereas most people are happy to leave it to chance, I’ve wanted to know how tall she’d be even before I conceived her – heck, even before I met her father – going around more or less with callipers in my head. As such, I’m quite the pro when it comes to spouting the following formulas:

Boy’s Adult Height: (Father’s Height + Mother’s Height) divide by 2, + 7

Girl’s Adult Height: (Father’s Height + Mother’s Height) divide by 2, – 5

From personal experience, I’ve found both to work, although with girls, being as well-nourished as we are nowadays, the formula tends to lean towards (Father’s Height + Mother’s Height) divide by 2. Using this formula, Amanda’s adult height is 171.5 cm.

Most Maternal Child Health Centres in Australia will also tell you that you can double your child’s height at 2 to find his or her adult height. I remember Amanda being 87.5 cm at 2, so using this calculation, her adult height will be 175 cm. At first I found this hard to believe, especially since her growth slowed to the point where she was the shortest in class between prep and grade 1, but now, she’s since shot up to become average Australian height for her age (an aggregate of males and females), so perhaps there is some truth to the formula after all. Her father, being the self-exalting royal that he is, pointed out that she’ll never be as tall as he is.

I said to him, “That’s a good thing too. If she were 6ft 1, no man would marry her.”

Except perhaps the newly-single Bernie Ecclestone whose ex-wife is 1 foot taller than him. They have two daughters, both towering over Bernie at 5ft 8 inches tall.

At 7, Amanda’s already cottoned on to the fact that she’d be much taller than me. Rather insensitively, she’s teased me about being the shortest in the family once she is grown.

“Ha. But you should thank me,” I told her.

“Why is that?”

“If not for me, you’d be short too for it is me who found you a very tall father.”

Another day, she came up to me to ask, “So why couldn’t you have grown taller?”

I said, “I’m the correct height for both my parents. My father is short and my mother is short, so how much taller could I be?”

Until puberty, I had been drinking an average of 1 litre of milk a day. I used to love cheese and yogurt too. Subsequently, I became lactose-intolerant. Cheese for me is now like diet food because it will go straight through me.

My mother boiled tonics for my brother and I to grow taller after her eldest sister found much success using them with her eldest child who was only 4 ft 11 inches tall at 17 years of age. That cousin of mine is now 5 ft 5 inches tall. What neither my mother nor her sister had considered was that my uncle, my aunt’s husband, was relatively tall, so yes, there is the potential to grow a lot taller when one out of two of your parents are a decent height.

But I’ve since accepted my height. There is not much use fighting what you’ve been given, is there? Rare is a person who can overcome their genetic makeup. His Royal Highness is lucky in that his father is only 5 ft 5 inches tall while his mother was 5ft tall when living. Moi would have accused him of being adopted except that both his brother and sister are tall too. It must be because they were all humongous at birth – an average of 9 pounds each.

All right, so since I can never be a tall person, I’ve compiled a list outlining the advantages of being a vertically-challenged person.

  • People think you are much younger than what you really are. I’ve entered quite a number of fee-collecting places paying only student rates, because I’ve often been mistaken for one. I’ve also found people to be very helpful because I’m small and “vulnerable.” Wink wink.
  • You can find clothes in the kids section. You know what this means, don’t you? Cheaper clothes! I don’t usually make it a point to shop for clothes there but I’ve found the styling of clothes for pre-teens to be very similar to the styling for adult clothes. Of course, I don’t recommend wearing everything from the kid’s section. You’ll get curious looks from mothers and children otherwise!
  • You can find lots of discounted shoes because being small, you typically have small feet too. I find that with size 5 feet (UK women’s size), either there are plenty of last-pairs to chose from, or there are none at all, because some brands don’t make your size. Brands that do are Hush Puppies, Nine West, Birkenstocks, Camper, Vein… Basically, they are all the brands I wear.
  • You’re supposed to have a longer life span than your tall peers.
  • You can fit in a regular length bed or drive a coupe. Both are unsuited to taller folks.
Are there any more to add to this list? Tell me so that I can add to what I have here.